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When I tally up the friends I’ve made as an adult, more than half are people I met through a job—including my two ride-or-die BFFs. I sat across a very small desk from them at a startup e-comm company for four years until we went our separate career ways. Something the three of us discuss a lot is how lucky we feel to have successfully transitioned “IRL” buds, a shift that can feel risky. After all, no one wants to feel like they don’t make the cut beyond just being work friends. In the best cases, incessant contact, inside jokery, and stress-bonding on the job can lead to the kind of friends who’ve seen you ugly cry and invite you to Friendsgiving.

So how can you figure out if your professional-friend crush is interested in more? Like with any crush, the answers lie in a timeless, teen mag-style quiz, conveniently presented below. Jot down your answers and look to the results for advice from successful work besties, as well as consolation if your meeting soulmate isn’t meant to be your standing Sunday brunch date.

a. Mostly deadline Qs and project updates

b. Work stuff with a few Housewives .gifs or skull emojis sprinkled in

c. Includes jaunty weekend recaps and exclusive pet pics

2. Have they ever invited you to an outside-the-office hang?

b. Yes, their friend/significant other’s public DJ set or comedy show

d. Yes, a one-on-one movie, meal that wasn’t lunch, or anything involving a car ride longer than 20 minutes

3. Quick! How much do you know about them?

a. Ummm…I think they’re from Cincinnati?

b. Their kid just learned how to read, pretty cool!

is a masterpiece, oat milk is a must for coffee, fruit never belongs in salads

d. Their full natal chart (how else can you send the best astrology memes, duh)

4. How often do you lunch together? (Skip to the next Q if you’re WFH.)

a. Does waiting in line at the vending machine count?

b. We’ve walked to the salad spot a handful of times

d. Our standing date includes making each other sandwiches—is that weird?

5. How often are you low-key messaging during larger meetings?

a. Still waiting for them to make the first move

c. I’ve snort-laughed out loud at least once (disaster)

d. Other people are starting to notice, and it’s a problem

a. Gah, I’m working up the courage to hit “request”

b. We’re FB friends only, via an invite to a group event

c. I’m alllll up in the comments of their latest recap-carousel

what they’re posting on “close friends”

7. Have they confided in you on a no-good, very bad day?

b. We’ve done some wound-licking as a team

c. An occasional midday vent sesh is par for the course

d. We’ve cried into our beers together, literally

8. Would other coworkers call you friends?

b. I guess in a “sure, we’re friendly” kinda of way?

c. It’s no secret we’re part of a regular happy hour crew

d. They’ve given us a celeb-couple-style hybrid name

The bad news: You’re not there. But, you might get there! The biggest factor in this cordial-not-close phase of a relationship is time. If this is a relatively new co-worker, test the waters: Ask more personal (but still work-appropriate!) questions, invite them for coffee, or share something fun about yourself. If you’ve tried and it didn’t fly, respect those boundaries. Some people want to keep their work and personal lives totally distinct, or sometimes the chemistry just isn’t there outside the office. On the up side, having a coworker you like is still a big win.

If they were interested in more, you’d know it by now tbh. This one’s probably destined for in-office friendship only, and that’s okay! Maybe you’re a 20-something hitting up the club every week while they’re busy taking their pre-teen to softball, and your odd-couple bond works best 

 work. Or maybe their “work self” is all they feel comfortable sharing. If they’ve shrugged off invites or plans keep falling through, don’t get too bummed out. Instead, try to pinpoint why spending time with them makes you feel good, and look for that in your OOO friendships.

Mostly Cs: Strong “My People” Potential

The signs are promising! Rachel Herzig, a creative director, suggests this litmus test for what kind of legs a friendship might have: “If you both want to spend time together talking about things other than work, that’s a good indicator—when you’re lingering in the office because you’re genuinely interested in their conversation, and vice versa.” If you’re standing in the lobby or Slacking after hours to dissect the latest season of 

, it can be a natural transition to invite them over for a viewing party or see if they want to continue the convo over a cocktail.

Travis Fitch, an architect who’s amassed an impressive amount of friends from work over the years, also stresses the importance of “having a space outside of observation of your bosses to connect—it can be on GChat, or a physical space like a bar.” He also stresses the importance of a “bold individual” to make the first invite to a weekend movie or a day trip. Maybe that’s you? Much like dating, group plans are a good way to nudge things forward early on.

Congrats! You’re actually already friends with this person. Either straight-up ask them if they want to extend that socializing into “real life,” or watch out for clear signs they’re just as smitten. Take this example from my own life: When a coworker I was pretty close to shed tears of joy upon hearing I got into grad school, it felt like we’d instantly crossed a wonderful line. It was clear she genuinely cared for me beyond our current titles and roles. She invited me to her bachelorette party soon afterward, and the rest is history.

 working together for an office friendship to become fully realized. With that coworker, it was hard to prioritize spending downtime together when we already worked long hours side-by-side, and had other people to catch up with off the clock. Going your separate ways job-wise is a sink-or-swim moment for this kind of friendship, so if you’re serious, get some plans on the books, introduce them to your other besties, and revel in introducing them as your friend instead of “Ryan from work.”


Quiz: Does Your Work Friend Have "Real" Friend Potential? 

Before my girlfriend, Emily, and I started dating, we both wanted one thing: not to be in a serious relationship. But as life often goes, that’s not how things worked out for us. Cue six months of dating in New York, followed by a semi-break up when she moved to Austin, Texas for law school. Then, after a couple of “I’m going to be in your city if you’re around” visits, we found ourselves, despite our mutual protestations, in a serious and now long-distance relationship.

When dating someone in a different city, an obvious question eventually arises: Who moves? And an obvious consideration for both parties is work. So, when Emily entered her third and final year of law school this past September, we had to decide: Do we move in together, and where?

To create structure around this decision, we had to be incredibly matter-of-fact when it came to career needs and deal breakers. While my job as a digital content editor can kind of happen anywhere (so long as I have an internet connection), Emily’s career in movement lawyering is most effective when she’s tethered to a movement she’s connected to and passionate about—and where she can access that now is the South. After receiving a fellowship to do direct service work in Charlotte, North Carolina, it made sense for her next career move to dictate where we're going to live.

Work is part of life, but it isn’t the only deciding factor.

Being realistic about the circumstances, I was technically pretty free to move, and the where mattered less for me in terms of job security. Emotionally, I was feeling pretty ready to leave New York City in a post-COVID world, too. We also acknowledged that, rather than moving to a specific place for the rest of our lives, we were making a commitment to really try to figure out the next phase of our relationship and lives and see what would make us both happy.

Being honest with one another (and ourselves) about our career trajectories was the first step to getting aligned on what we wanted to build together, and where would be the best place to make that happen.

As two compulsive list-makers, Emily and I came into a lot of our conversations with pages of bullets and headlines like Things That Are Important to Me or What I Want My Life to Look Like. While we already knew we were aligned on things like morals and politics, we started getting into the nitty-gritty of what we wanted from our lives beyond location or jobs. Did we want to live somewhere where we’d be able to have a yard? How often did each of us want to see our parents? How rural of a setting would I be comfortable living in after almost 10 years in New York City?

Work is part of life, but it isn’t the only deciding factor. And in the end, we were remarkably aligned.

Early on in our relationship, Emily and I agreed on the things we value most, like community involvement, access to nature, and political participation. Having more abstract conversations about our long-term wants and beliefs in the beginning of our relationship meant that we didn’t have any big surprises when making this decision together. That said, there were still new things that mattered to each of us in this move. I didn’t want to drive a car everywhere, so it was important to me that we find a bike-friendly city. Emily wanted to be near her sister, who lives right outside of Charlotte.

By returning to the fact that we weren’t unwillingly tied to these decisions for the rest of our lives, it made it easier to feel like the move was a collaboration with our shared interests as the end goal.

Remember: The Only Thing That’s Permanent Is Change

Moving can be stressful. (In my 10 years in New York, I’ve only moved a handful of times because I’ve so actively avoided it). Moving to a new city for love can be super-stressful, and those feelings can quickly turn into resentment if you’re not careful. Emily and I worked hard to combat stress and fear by reminding ourselves that we’re not locked into this decision

, and if we ended up hating our new city—or each other—we could simply walk away. (At least I could do the whole 

 thing and “find myself” on the other side of the world if it didn’t work out.)

By returning to the fact that we weren’t unwillingly tied to these decisions for the rest of our lives, it made it easier to feel like the move was a collaboration with our shared interests as the end goal, not just one person following the other’s career path.

While neither Emily nor I were naive enough to think that this move would be simple or easy, we were both willing to put in the work to create a shared life that makes us proud. Sure, I’m moving to a new place for my partner’s career, but we were able to make the decision together—without losing sight of what’s important to me and 

How My Partner and I Decided to Move for Her Career 

Remember when we were all cheers-ing over virtual happy hours? While we’re still accidentally talking over each other on Zoom and adding emojis to soften our tone on Slack, the happy-hour era seems like a sweeter time. A recent study on the interpersonal effects of remote work—conducted among 61,000 Microsoft employees and published in the journal 

—found that remote workers had become less interconnected and more siloed; they collaborated less; and they communicated less with people outside of their business groups.

. There are ways to create deeper, more meaningful connections with your coworkers, from IRL to URL. Here are three easy ways to make a difference in your daily interactions ASAP.

This might seem obvious, but it can also feel hard to be Zoom-ready all the time. (Midday shower people, get at us.) And video fatigue is real. But regularly going camera-off hides your natural non-verbal cues from other people. Micro facial expressions can help show your manager how you really feel about that feedback, that you’re actually pretty excited about your project manager’s new idea, or that you’re all in on the NFT tangent the convo has taken.

If you could use a confidence boost when it comes to showing your face—staring at yourself in a meeting can feel like falling down a rabbit hole of fun-house mirrors—try taking the time to master your video-call game. Migrate your setup so your meticulously styled bookcase is now your default backdrop, you get to sit in your comfiest chair, and the window light gives your face an instant glow-up.

Working alongside other people, even if you’re not chatting it up, can be a major mood and productivity boost—just ask any freelancer who squatted at coffee shops for the past 10 years. If you miss your office gang, see if one or two of them are down for a live work sesh that’ll naturally turn into a study-hall vibe, in a good way. Discord has an open-meeting room option for audio, or use Slack’s similar “huddle” feature. Or go low risk: Start an ongoing group Slack and let the memes flow.

Forced “fun” sounds as exhilarating as de-icing your fridge in the middle of winter, but the alternative may feel like grinding it out on an island. So reach out, specifically about something unrelated to a work project. Make it a habit by setting a recurring reminder at least a couple times a week. Work is work, but it’s also a complex social organization. Keep relationships flourishing through coffee chats, informal one-on-ones, and walk-and-talks around the block—the office’s or your own (with AirPods).

Ask your IT buddy about their ski trip this weekend! Slack the person on your last call about where they got their great sweater! Just make time to talk that talk.

Quiz: Does Your Work Friend Have "Real" Friend Potential?

How My Partner and I Decided to Move for Her Career

Connecting With Coworkers in a Hybrid Kinda World